After transplant, we all ask, “When will things get back to normal?” Today I’m going to give you 10 ways to find normal after transplant.
What the Heck is Normal Anyway?
Everyone has their own preconceived idea of what normal is. And it’s not only as it pertains to transplant. A normal family dynamic, job, physical or mental ability, hair color, or clothing.
Think about it. What if I were to ask you what a normal breakfast is? BAM! You have something that pops into your mind immediately.
Was it eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, and toast? Maybe it was a danish and coffee? Or did you imagine cold cuts, cheese, and olives? The point is, everyone’s normal is different.
Marathon running might be one person’s normal and being able to get out of bed might be someone else’s.
Normal After Transplant
OK, so what does that have to do with transplant? If you were sick pre-transplant, chances are good you felt much better post-transplant. But, if you had a condition that was asymptomatic, you likely felt a whole lot worse.
Either way, you are eager to get back to whatever your version of normal was. Let me give you a little example of what I’m talking about.
Before transplant, I worked full time, cared for two kids, and had a healthy social life. I was an avid runner and I had little to no health concerns. My diagnosis came hard and it came fast. All of a sudden, I went from being active and healthy to dying.
Running changed to trudging. Healthy changed to medicated. Socializing consisted of mustering up the energy for a phone conversation. In my head, getting back to normal equated to being able to do the things I did pre-transplant.
You May Have to Search to Find Normal After Transplant
Your body is not the same. Heck, your mind, emotions, spirituality, or mental acuity may not be the same. Transplant transforms us in so many ways.
What may have been an easy task pre-transplant could be a whole ordeal after transplant. And even if you can manage the things you want to do physically, some things are different regardless.
You now take medications. Like, forever. You have scars. You’ve got a new view of life. Your priorities have changed. You have more doctor appointments. You need regular lab work. You have this little nagging voice in the back of your head that repeats, “what about rejection?”
Getting back to your normal isn’t as easy as it may seem. You may need to shift your idea of normal. You’re going to need some new perspective.
10 Ways to Find Normal After Transplant
Re-Evaluate Your Expectations of Normal
As much as we would like for everything to go back to the way it was before your transplant, it won’t. Plain and simple. The surgeons did not wave a magic wand and *POOF* you’re fixed. All better now. You had a major surgery. And you had to get pretty sick to get that surgery in the first place.
Maybe the change is small, and maybe it’s big. But you can’t expect things to be the same as they were before your transplant. It’s time to re-evaluate your expectations to reflect that.
Change Your Perspective
I have yet to meet a person who comes out of a transplant whose priorities have not changed. When you are facing impending death, how could they stay the same?
It’s time to change your perspective to view the things that are most important. Is running 25 miles a week most important or is staying stress-free more important to you? Is working 70 hours a week crucial or are after school activities more critical?
There are no right or wrong answers here. I’m not implying that if you choose to work 70 hours a week you’re a terrible person. Quite the contrary. If that is what you want to do, by all means, do it! My suggestion is simply to change your perspective so that you are doing what is most important to you.
Take a Look at What You’ve Learned
There is no way you’ve gone through the transplant journey without learning a thing or two. You’ve gained a ton of medical knowledge. You have honed your advocating skills. You have an appreciation for life that many people can’t understand. You know more now than you ever did before!
How can you take what you’ve learned and apply that to find your new normal after transplant? Did you discover through advocating you have some crazy negotiation skills? What about keeping track of the pre-transplant barrage of appointments, tests, and medications? That’s some great organization skills! Perhaps you’ve found you are a great listener when it comes to someone going through a health issue.
Look at those things and see how they might interlace with how your life was before transplant.
For Crying Out Loud, Be Grateful
You have received a second chance at life. A second chance to see your spouse, partner, kids, pets, family, and friends. Another chance to fail (or succeed!) at work. More opportunities to travel (or not!). The ability to try something you’ve always wanted to try.
Don’t take advantage of the incredible gift you’ve received. Remember every day how lucky you are to get stuck in traffic, stand in line, or talk to a telemarketer. OK, that might be a bit of a stretch, but you get my point. You’re alive! How awesome is that?!
Treat Yourself as You’d Treat Your BFF
It’s like the reverse golden rule. What if your BFF were to tell you that they almost died, received a life-saving surgery and now nothing is the same as it was before. What would you say to them?
Would you tell your friend they are worthless? That they are lazy? They’re burden to society and their family? Would you say that unless they could do the things they used to they’re not the same person?
Of course you wouldn’t! So why in the world would you tell yourself any of those things? Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Find Your Joy
You’ve adjusted your expectations and found a new perspective. Whatever changes you’ve decided to make, find joy in them.
Whether that’s something at work, home, or in your leisure time, find the things you love.
“I could dominate an Excel worksheet all day!”
“Ironing is my new favorite thing!”
“Hiking is tough, but this view!”
Don’t Do It Alone
We all need support from time to time. Every day is not roses and we can’t always be the best version of ourselves. Reach out to your people when you need a little help. Sometimes, a friendly conversation will help you feel a little more like your normal self.
Be a Survivor, Not a Victim
You’ve gone through the wringer, am I right? Long nights, pain, hospital visits. Now, post-transplant you’re finding a whole new set of hurdles.
It can be easy to fall into, “but I thought I would be better now, this isn’t fair.” Or, “I did everything right! Why is everything so hard for me now?” Pull yourself out of that pity party and remember you survived this!
Loss vs. Redefined
For some people (myself included) life is nothing like it was before transplant. Instead of focusing on the things you can’t do anymore, focus on what you can.
You can’t work anymore (loss), but you can volunteer once a month (redefined). You can’t run (loss), but you can do yoga to stay healthy (redefined). It’s all a matter of changing what you are focusing on.
Find Your Purpose
There is a common thought that there is a direct relationship between purpose and job. While there are some correlations, our purpose is not derived from what we do.
Without getting too philosophical, our purpose comes from core values and who we are as people.
Finding purpose outside of a job (which some people have to do if they can no longer work) is a huge piece of our self-worth.
You can find your purpose by looking at a few things. What are your skills or things you love to do? What is something you’re passionate about or have a deep curiosity for? What is important to you?
If you can answer these three things and focus your efforts on them, you will get a much stronger sense of purpose. You can also try online exercises like this one to help you narrow it down.
You Can Find Normal After Transplant
Our lives are different now from the normal we once knew. While these 10 ways to find normal after transplant might help, much of it is about attitude. In the end, I hope that you discover this new normal is far more rewarding than you thought it could be!
