Today I’m going to talk about how to be an encouraging but realistic caregiver for your loved one and how that will help them through the toughest of times.
It Ain’t Easy Being Them
Your loved one is going through it, aren’t they? Trips to the doctor, ER and hospital stays, at-home visits, blood draws, IVs, and everyday pain and sickness.
There are going to be days where they just don’t feel like they can do it anymore. They want to throw in the towel because it’s super hard. You can’t get them to take their meds. They don’t want to do, well, anything.
Maybe they have kids who have a ton of questions for you too. So on top of helping to take care of your friend, son, daughter, spouse, or significant other, you have kids to talk to too!
Everyone in this situation will need a little pick-me-up now and then (including you, so make sure you reach out for help too). So how can you be an encouraging but realistic caregiver? How do you raise someone’s spirits while keeping their feet firmly planted in reality?
Encouraging but Realistic How?
Some ways you can be a realistic cheerleader:
Keeping it Real
“I know it seems impossible, but I know you can do it! You just need to follow what your doctors are telling you. They are the experts.”
“We will find something that sounds ok to eat even though you’re nauseous. You must get some nutrition. If you don’t eat you will only get weaker and may end up on a feeding tube in the hospital.”
Comforting With a Little Perspective
“I know you’re facing some intimidating procedures today and you’ll get through them. You’ve done harder things and this is just one more thing that gets you closer to transplant.”
“I know you’re afraid because this is a new symptom. Remember when you thought you were losing your eyesight? Then, we found out it was a motion sickness patch that was reacting with other meds you were on. The problem was identified in less than an hour and your sight was back to normal shortly after.” This one is a tad specific, I know, but it happened to me and my mom having a list of successes helped me to realize I could get through things.
Kids Need a Little More Encouragement and Realism
“Could my mom die?” “I certainly hope not but it is possible, yes. She is in the best place she can be and she has some of the best doctors there are. She is fighting hard to be with you guys so I certainly hope not. It’s ok that you are afraid.” Also specific, but it was important to me and my family that we did not lie to my kids (12 and 8 at the time). Blindsiding my kids was the one thing to avoid for me. They had therapists available and we talked often about how they were coping. They have both since told me they wouldn’t have changed having those conversations.
All Encouragement All the Time
In addition to these types of conversations, it’s good to have some resources for encouragement. My mom still talks about what a good resource for encouragement (and caregiving help) my good friend Wendy was when I was sick. Friends, family, books, quotes, poetry, and music are also great sources of encouragement.
Children can be a HUGE encouragement to your loved one as well. On the days when I felt defeated, seeing the faces of my kids (either in person or in a photo) helped me to muster up the strength to keep fighting.
It’s also important to know who or what will be discouraging to your loved one and help them to avoid that. Social media can have good support but it can also be horribly depressing for someone dealing with an illness.
You Can Be an Encouraging but Realistic Caregiver
Everyone who goes through the transplant journey is going to have different experiences and it’s impossible to anticipate them. As a caregiver, you have the unique ability to show how you can be encouraging but realistic at the same time and help your loved one see that they can get through this.
Grab those supportive but sensible pom-poms and be ready to battle the doom and gloom when it comes. You are their biggest cheerleader and they are counting on you!
