Benjamin Franklin said that honesty is the best policy. But is it really? We’ve all told a white lie here and there to avoid hurting someone now and then. And when it comes to self-preservation, being completely transparent can be terrifying! But when you are going through the transplant process, honesty is more important than ever.
Survival Instincts
During the transplant evaluation process, we have people all up in our business. Doctors, nurses, medical assistants, nutritionists, and social workers want to know every detail. But, to protect ourselves, we may rely on a fib or two to try to save face. The problem is, this may do more harm than good.
When we feel ashamed, embarrassed, or afraid, those self-preservation instincts kick in. Someone who has battled alcohol or drug addiction may not want to share that with their team. Another may be taking medication to treat something they are embarrassed about. Then, there is simply not feeling comfortable discussing details about all of our bodily functions. I mean, do any of us ever want to talk about bowel movements in detail?
But, withholding (or flat out lying) about your medical history or medications will not aid in your survival when it comes to transplant. In fact, it could do quite the opposite.
Honesty (Really) Is the Best Policy
I’ll say it again. During the transplant process (and even after), medical staff and social workers want to know all the nitty-gritty details. How much do you weigh? How much did you pee? Have you had a BM? What medications (prescription and otherwise) are you on? Do you drink? Have you ever done drugs?
While all of this may seem very personal, and even unnecessary, it is important. Say you leave out that you take aspirin from time to time for a headache. With liver disease, your blood can become very thin. Add aspirin to that, and you could be at risk for life-threatening bleeding.
Perhaps you take an herbal remedy of some kind and do not share that information. There may be a reaction rendering a medication useless, or worse, toxic!
Even what you eat, drink, and *ahem* put out, can be important. As disgusting as it is, the color and consistency of BM’s can be useful information to your medical team. By the same token, the amount and color of your urine can tell a lot too. Everything going on with our bodies tells a story, so even if it’s gross or embarrassing, it’s important to share when your team asks.
I’m not suggesting you need to call your transplant nurse every time you use the restroom. But if they ask, it’s time to put aside the bashful and divulge the icky.
The Pitfalls of Honesty
Sharing the truth (and sometimes the ugly truth) is not without consequences. Alcohol or drug use can delay your addition to the transplant list. Telling your team about your medications may change what you can and can’t take. Information about a BM may get you admitted into the hospital for treatment.
It’s during these times it’s important to fight that self-preservation instinct. Because, while it may seem like a negative consequence at the time, the truth will get you the help you need. Your team must be able to get a full picture of what is going on with you. Your honesty can only help your care in the long run.
You might need rehabilitation services for drug or alcohol use, or to help strengthen you for surgery. Or you may need to be admitted for the treatment of bleeding or drug interactions. Whatever the case, the ultimate goal is to provide you with the best care possible.
Remember that your team is there to help get you what you need to get you to transplant. They are not there to judge you, shame you, or harm you.
Honesty With Yourself Too
Sometimes we may be lying to ourselves too. I’ve heard several things in the past:
“I’m too young. I can’t need a transplant.”
“I don’t feel sick. Once the cancer is treated I’ll be fine.”
“There’s no way I can live through all of this. I’m not strong enough.”
“I did this to myself, I don’t deserve a transplant.”
Fear is a powerful thing. Going back to self-preservation, it’s what can drive our fight or flight response. But our own negative self-talk can take that very normal sense of fear and turn it into something that can be crippling.
Going through a major medical procedure like a transplant can be scary! It’s OK (and even healthy) to be afraid. But it’s important to differentiate between fear of the unknown and fear that is lying to you.
Sometimes, breaking it down to what is the truth and what is perception can be helpful:
“I’m too young. I can’t need a transplant.” – We know that even infants sometimes need transplants. There is no age limit.
“I don’t feel sick. Once the cancer is treated I’ll be fine.” – While cancer may be confined to a single organ now (like your liver), it could metastasize. If doctors are saying you need a transplant, it is to avoid a larger issue down the road.
“There’s no way I can live through all of this. I’m not strong enough.” – I think most people would be surprised at how strong they can be. There is a reason transplant centers require support. It is difficult, but with the support of our loved ones, we can (and do!) make it through.
“I did this to myself, I don’t deserve a transplant.” – Nobody deserves to die because of a drinking or drug addiction. This is why transplant centers consider candidates after going through rehabilitation. Life matters and someone who has shown they can live a sober life deserves a second chance too.
Honesty is the best policy when it comes to our own self-talk as much as anything else.
And That’s the Truth!
We all want to be the very best versions of ourselves. Sometimes, this may cause us to elaborate or omit parts of our story. This is fine when talking about fishing or sparing hurt feelings.
But, when you are going through the transplant process, it’s no longer about appearances. This is a life or death situation. This is the time to lay all your cards on the table, air your dirty laundry, and spill the tea.
When you get through your transplant, the gratitude you will feel for your second chance at life will be immeasurable. Those feelings will far outweigh any embarrassment you once felt. And that really is the honest-to-goodness truth.
