The holidays can be one of the most trying times of the year.  As a transplant recipient, learning how to survive entertaining can make or break your holidays.  I’ve got some tips for you, so let’s dive in!

This year, the pandemic has us all celebrating in different ways.  Instead of gathering around a table together to share a meal, we’re meeting over Zoom or Skype.  Things will not always be this way though.  Before we know it, we’ll be back to dinner parties, BBQ’s and even holiday gatherings.

Memories of Holidays Past

When I was growing up (and even in my adult life), we spent every Christmas at my grandparents’ house.  Well, initially we did.  But then our family grew and more generations came along.  So over time, we moved that Christmas celebration to Thanksgiving.

My grandparents lived in a rural Colorado town, not far from the Kansas border.  My extended family would travel many miles so that we could all be together.  First, coming from Oklahoma, then Ohio, Missouri, and Texas.

As a kid, there would be 11 of us in my grandparents’ small rural home.  Back then, I’d sleep with my cousins on the floor by the Christmas tree.  As our family grew, that number doubled.  My mom, step-dad, and aunts and uncles stayed at a small hotel down the street and I graduated to a bedroom in the house.

My grandma would cook.  A lot.  Starting weeks in advance.  Our holiday meal usually consisted of several types of meat and two types of potatoes and gravy.  There was stuffing (sorry grandma, “dressing”), and hot and raw veggies.  Cranberry sauce, jello salads, and rolls also filled the table.  For dessert, there were always two or three different pies.  You could also find lemon bars, cookies, or whatever new recipe grandma had settled on that year.  Most often it was a recipe that was a hit at her church potluck.

We were so fortunate to have all that she would prepare and it didn’t stop at the holiday meal.  You could count on hearty breakfasts and sandwiches and snacks too!

Preparing food for her family was a labor of love for her and she truly loved doing it.  But, by the end of our stay (and usually before the end of our stay), grandma would be completely wiped out.

Entertaining as a Transplant Recipient

Enjoying entertaining is not a trait we inherit.  However, I do share my grandma’s love language of preparing and sharing meals with people.  Hosting parties with friends or bringing a dish to a gathering somewhere else makes me happy.  Even preparing meals for Mr. Graft Diaries or my immediate family bring me massive joy.  I love the holidays in particular when I can have family in my home for a big meal.

Since my transplant, I’ve had to learn the hard lesson (read: I can barely walk the day after entertaining) that I might not be able to keep up like I used to.

Every time Mr. Graft Diaries and I plan to entertain, I start making a list of menu items.  Everything from pre-dinner appetizers to salads, a main dish, sides, and desserts

As my list of things to prepare approaches 20 or more, Mr. Graft Diaries starts to talk me down.  “Maybe we could purchase a pie or two and pick up some precut veggies and dips?”  Or, “Do we really need both pistachio salad, mixed green salad, and orange salad?”

He understands how much I want to prepare those things, but he also knows how much it takes a toll on my body.   If you haven’t figured it out already, Mr. Graft Diaries is super supportive.  He’s pretty much the best.  Just ask me, I’ll tell you!

How to Survive Entertaining

Well, you’ve already gotten one tip.  Scale back a little.  I guess three salads aren’t really necessary, one salad with topping options would suffice.  Alright, we don’t need pumpkin pie, pecan pie, apple pie, cookies, and brownies.

Next step?  Use some store-bought food.  Can I make rolls myself?  Yes.  Are the rolls from the grocery store still tasty?  Absolutely.  Pick the things you like making or that are your specialty.

Spread out your prep and make some things in advance.  Cookies, casseroles, and even mashed potatoes can be prepared ahead of time (if they’re reheated right).  You could even get some ingredients for the day-of cooking ready so things come together faster.

Use appliances.  Slow cookers, warming pans, and pressure cookers can prove to be valuable.  You can use them to make simple side dishes or to warm things you’ve prepared in advance.

Ask for help.  Enlist the help of your kids or someone else in your family to do some of the running around.  Need that seldom-used roasting pan from the basement?  Send someone to go get it for you.  Put a creative kid on decor duty.  Ask guests to bring something small to contribute to the meal.  Rolls, a relish tray, a salad.  Most people are going to ask what they can bring, take them up on their generosity.  Maybe you’ll get to try something new in the process.

Remember why you’re entertaining in the first place.  We received a second chance at life, let’s bask in it!  You have your family and friends over because you want to spend time with them, not so they can watch you cook and clean.

Do what you need to do so that you can be present to enjoy the time you spend with your loved ones.  Entertaining doesn’t have to be extravagant. You don’t have to prepare a traditional meal served on a particular holiday.  Pizza, a taco bar, or sub sandwiches are all tasty too.

Look for Balance When Entertaining for the Holidays

As I write this blog, I can hear my mom and Mr. Graft Diaries in my head.  “Yes Tiffany, nobody wants you to beat yourself up preparing a meal for them.”  I know, I know, I’m working on it.  But I love cooking meals and entertaining so much.

Transplant is all about balance.  Doctors adjust your medications so that you have the right balance. All to avoid infection and rejection.  You may have to adjust your work schedule to find the balance between what you used to do before and what you can do now.  You also have to find a balance between being grateful for your new life and discouraged by some of the challenges you face.

The same thing applies when you are entertaining for the holidays (or any other time of year).  Find the balance between cooking or decorating (or both) and being rested enough to enjoy the time you have with your family and friends.

Holiday Entertaining Survival Isn’t Just About the Meal

Getting a bunch of people in a room together isn’t always going to be smooth.  Aunt Franny and Cousin Marv are going to nit-pick each other.  You know Great-Aunt Doris is going to have an opinion about…everything.

Try to remember that you would not be here to change the subject with Franny and Marv or to thank Doris for her insight if it weren’t for your donor and their gift.  Even though our loved ones may try our patience sometimes, we still have them with us.  And, when we’ve experienced loss, we have one another to reminisce with and support.

The holidays can be stressful, but with a few of these tips, I hope you find ways to make it a little less so.

Merry Christmas!