Today, I find myself feeling very uninspired about writing about any of my planned blog topics. All of this despite the mound of topics in my planner that should inspire me and bring joy.
This leads me to think that it’s about time to include a post that falls into the “diary” part of The Graft Diaries. For me, writing about an experience and all I’ve learned from it is pretty easy and I’ve written more than 50 posts so far in that vein. But where do I begin with this?
The Pandemic Effect
I suppose I should feel grateful that the effects of the pandemic have taken this long to get to me. Quarantine was challenging, sure, but short-lived.
Volunteering was put on hold at the hospital where I received my transplant. Then the in-person speaking gigs I did for Donate Life went away too, leaving only a Zoom meeting here and there. Enter the creation of this blog which kept me quite busy through the spring and summer of 2020.
After that, I was wrapped up in all of the planning for a house Mr. Graft Diaries and I were going to build. Months of planning had gone into creating a layout for our home and finding land so that we could garden and start moving to a homesteading-esque way of life. Well, Colorado soil threw a wrench in those plans too, so early 2021 required a complete 180. Fast-forward to now where we have a great house in a lovely small-town neighborhood, where we can grow a pretty decent-sized garden, even if it’s not exactly our original plan.
Volunteering is still out, and the dust has settled with the new house which brings me to this ho-hum that I’m experiencing now. And the need to find some joy.
I’m The Happy One
If you’ve been reading my blogs you know that I am the silver lining, glass half full, light at the end of the tunnel gal. This means that after posting this blog, I’ll likely get some concerned texts and phone calls from family members (thanks for being loyal readers, fam!). “Is everything ok?” “Do you need to talk?” Rest easy, loved ones. I’m not depressed, I’m just a little meh about stuff right now.
I’ve written about finding purpose before and I’m working on that too because blogging is not everything. I love it, but there is no real human contact in it. The pandemic has made real-life human contact a bit challenging. Even with (now three!) doses of vaccine in my system, spending time out in the general public is not high on my list of things to do. My county is a hot spot for COVID and some people around here are not too keen on getting the vaccine.
So with no volunteering, no retail therapy, no “roam around the craft store awhile,” that silver lining and joy is taking a bit more work to find.
It’s Oh So Quiet
Mr. Graft Diaries and I have been talking a lot lately about how busy it’s been for the last year or so. COVID and the adjustments that has brought, blog start-up, home buying, moving, landscaping, family travel, and rejection. To be honest, that only scratches the surface. It’s a lot! So much of it has been very positive and I am grateful for that. Hell, even the negative things are part of life and so I’m grateful that I get to experience those things too.
Eventually, that whirlwind starts to die down and that leaves things moving more slowly. It’s become oh so quiet (by comparison). So maybe that’s it? The change in pace reminding me to go back to basics in finding things to keep myself busy. That can be a real challenge. Talk to someone who is retired. My guess is they’ll tell you they have struggled at some point in knowing what to do with all their time.
What does a 40-something person who has not been able to return to work do to keep herself busy? I mean, I can always clean the house. But does anyone ever feel anything but “eew, icky icky!” about housework? If anyone reading this actually finds joy in that, please email me with your secret!
If I could master some June-Cleaver-oh-how-I-love-to-vacuum-while-looking-fabulous-in-heels juju, that would be great. Although if Mr. Graft Diaries came home to that he’d think I’d completely gone round the bend.
There are definitely projects I want to do around the house too. I’ve got furniture I want to refinish to fit our style better. I’d love to DIY myself some fun decor for our walls. I mean, this house ain’t gonna’ decorate itself. I love cooking and baking too. But again, there is no human contact in those things either.
A Dating Site For Friends
So what does an extravert do when she’s forced to sit behind a computer typing about her thoughts and feelings on the interwebs? And If I’m struggling with this, by golly, someone else out there must be too! If you’re that someone, I hope this lets you know that you’re not alone, and we’ll all get through this. High five (or whatever cool people do nowadays)!
In time things will change concerning the pandemic (at least I hope they will). Then I’ll be able to return to volunteering and getting back out into the world (which definitely brings me joy). But even with that, I’ve often wondered how someone my age-ish meets new people.
There are many people out there who don’t work, but the ones I’ve met have fallen into three categories.
- Stay at home parents. Great people, but home with small children and busy with play dates and park visits. And usually 20+ years my junior.
- Retirees. Also fantastic people, but usually 20+ years my senior who do not generally share the same interests.
- Those who do not need to work. Again, wonderful people who may fall into my age group but who do not have the same physical (and sometimes financial) limitations I do.
There are many dating sites out there that are great when you are someone who doesn’t work or mingle at bars. I know they’re great because that’s how I met Mr. Graft Diaries! But wouldn’t it be marvelous if there were something similar for people who can’t work and would love to hang out and do crafts together or something? PeopleWhoCantWorkButWantToDoCraftsAndStuffWithOtherPeopleLikeThem.com That’s a website name that just rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?
The Quest for Enjoyment
Everyone goes through times where they feel uninspired. Or plain, “over it” with the day-to-day of their lives. And everyone wants to be happy and find enjoyment in their lives.
I’m beginning to think that maybe this quest for enjoyment is something I will just have to go through every so often. And when I do, it’s time for a change of perspective.
Stop thinking about what I can’t do and start thinking about what I can. What makes me feel inspired today? What would bring me joy right now? What steps can I take to move toward something new? Are there any fun clubs? Classes learning something new (you know, when doing things in person isn’t so pandemic-y)?
I’ve been through some pretty tough stuff in my life. So, when it comes to getting out of a rut, I ain’t skeered! I know that when the goin’ gets ho-hum, the ho-hum get goin’ on finding inspiration and enjoyment. And when I find it, I’ll be sure to share!
