It’s important to know that it’s OK to go home when your loved one is in the hospital.  Part of being a good caretaker is taking care of yourself too.

Despite That Guilty Feeling

Your loved one has been admitted into the hospital.  Again.  Exhaustion has set in.  You’ve been there all day taking notes, talking to doctors, comforting your loved one, eating cafeteria food (oh joy).

There it is.  That sofa or chair that pulls out into a bed.  “They need me.  I should stay.  What if something comes up?  I can’t just LEAVE them here!”

On the contrary.  You can just leave them there.  Waiting for a transplant can take days, months, and even years.  They are in the safest place they can possibly be when they are sick.  The hospital.  Doctors and nurses are all around to take care of their every need.

You take care of your loved one day in and day out when they are not in the hospital.  In the hospital, it’s OK to go home and leave them there with the professionals who are there to manage their care.

It’s OK to Go Home and Decompress

This is the time to have a meal with your spouse, significant other, friend, or family member.  Talk about something other than the transplant that is all-consuming right now.  Watch some TV, do a craft, read a book, take a hot bath, meditate, do whatever you want to do for a change.  Then, go and sleep in your own bed.

In the hospital, your loved one will have their care team checking in on them throughout the night.  Vitals checks, IV changes, medication administration, trips to the bathroom will all be handled whether you are there or not.  You know what won’t be happening if you are on that pull-out chair or sofa?  You won’t be sleeping.

Taking a break from caregiving when you have the opportunity does not make you a bad person or even a bad caregiver.  Going home, sleeping in your bed, decompressing, and recharging will only help you to be a better caregiver.

Your Loved One Is Scared

I’m not going to lie to you.  Overnights in the hospital are no fun as a patient.  It’s quiet and there are fewer distractions so you have nothing to do but focus on being sick.  However, we need you to be fresh and alert when doctors make their rounds during the day.  We need you to be clear-minded when it’s time to make decisions about our care.  So please take care of yourself too.

Is it possible there will be some times when your loved one needs you there to advocate for them when they are not lucid enough to do so themselves?  Sure.  Will that be more often than not (especially overnight)?  Not likely.

Lay down any guilt you may have just go.  It’s OK to go home.  We will be just fine.  If something happens and we need you there, we’ll call.  Promise.

Now go have a nice quiet meal, enjoy some quality time and sleep well.  We’ll see you tomorrow when you are bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and ready to take on the world again!