Let’s talk about how to cope with the news that you need a transplant.  This is not easy news to hear, so I have compiled some tips and resources to help you through it.

I will never forget the morning I sat in my hospital bed and spoke with my doctor about how bad my situation was.  During the night, I had written a note to myself, “ask doc if I’m dying.”

If you’ve ever been in the hospital or had to talk with doctors about a prognosis, getting a straight answer is sometimes hard to achieve.  This was time to be blunt and ask my doctors to do the same.

You Need a Transplant

My doctor told me I had cirrhosis and that even though some tests may show some “improvements,” dead cells are just that, dead.  So, my condition would only worsen and the only way to get better was to get a liver transplant.  “What are we saying specifically doc?”

“Given your MELD score,” (more on that in another post) “you have an 80% mortality rate beyond 90 days.  You should probably talk to your family about your prognosis and start making some arrangements.”

BAM!  Soul.  Crushing.  Arrangements?  As in, FINAL arrangements?  Yep, sure enough.  I was sure this was going to be the end of the road for me.

How to Cope With the News

So, how do you deal with all of this?  Well first, you have a meltdown.  Seriously.  Cry it out, feel sorry for yourself, scream into a pillow, punch that same pillow, feel all the feels.  All of them.  This is not good news even if your prognosis is not one that you’re probably going to die in 90 days.  Needing a transplant is no joke.  You might feel mad, guilty, sad, afraid, apprehensive, or maybe even in denial.  It’s ok.  You’re supposed to feel all of those things.  So go ahead and feel them.

Now, take a deep breath because you are going to have to buck up and be strong.  There’s a lot to do and your life depends on it.  Even after you get a grip, you’re going to meltdown again.  That’s ok too.  Learning how to cope with the news that you need a transplant is no picnic.  That’s why it’s often referred to as a journey because it is a long road.  A marathon, not a sprint.

For starters, reach out to your family and friends.  You are going to need all the emotional support you can get.  Now is not the time to be bashful or prideful.  Take the help wherever you can because you are fighting for your life and that, my friends, is hard work.

Resources for Coping With the News You Need a Transplant

In addition to your family and friends, you should probably look into a therapist too.  Listen, the stigma that used to be surrounding therapy is long gone (or should be).  There is a reason therapists exist.  An outside view is always a good thing.  Also, your friends and family won’t always know what to say or may say all the wrong things that can make you feel even worse.  Plus, they’re dealing with this news too, you know?

But where in the world do I get a therapist, you ask?  Let me give you some places to start.  First of all, if you are in crisis dial 911, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or go to a Live Chat.

Of course, you can always go through your insurance company or ask your transplant team to start with, but here are a few other sites:

• Psychology Today (this is one I’ve used)
• Sondermind
• American Psychological Foundation
• Telehealth for the gentlemen Good Therapy
• Telehealth for the ladies Bloom Online Therapy

In the end, coping is something you’ll have to do throughout this whole process so the sooner you start getting help, the better off you’ll be.  You may even find out you are a Superman/Superwoman through it all.

One final note while you are trying to figure out how to cope with the news that you need a transplant.  Remember that in 2019 nearly 40,000 transplants were performed in the United States alone so it can be done.  And I believe in you!